Time: 6pm, approx. 1 hour, 45 minutes
- 4-lap warm-up
- 2-laps strides
- 2 x 3200 (8 laps @ 2:12 each, 1 lap easy - repeat (2 x 2 miles @ 8:48 minutes each)
- 2 laps cool-down
Meal: Tomato soup @ 3pm, 1/2 a Clif Bar at 5:30.
Total Distance: 6 1/4 miles
I have to admit, I was pretty nervous when they announced our run group to shoot for a consistent 2:12 lap for 4 miles...especially because they were referring to it as our "marathon pacing". I almost switched to the slower run group, but Sarah (one of the assistant run coaches, aka "Dodge") encouraged me to stick with the group. I'm glad she gave me that little nudge, it worked out in the end.
As I ran tonight I was really working on focus - something that I've found difficult in past trainings because I'm so easily distracted, which leads to discouragement. I think I was just as easily distracted, but more forgiving of myself during those distractions so I could come back to center more easily. I spent the entire run scanning my body for pain, fatigue, or any sensation at all. I listened to what all the voices were saying in my head, ranging from "this is a piece of cake" to "I think I'll just stop right now and go home". I found it interesting that often times those thoughts came up simultaneously, and I wondered if more natural athletes have simply learned the right techniques to surpress that negative voice. As the laps piled on, the louder the quitting voice got - and what I found most interesting was that it was directly associated with the perceived end of the training. A few weeks ago, I ran for 2 hours, 45 minutes, and the urge to quit didn't begin to overwhelm my body until about that last 45 minutes. Here I was, 1 1/2 miles into the total 4, and I found myself trying to rationalize a good reason just to give up. But I fought that voice. I listened to my body and, as much as I found a 2:15 lap to be mentally impractical, I learned that it was easily physically achievable. Note that there has to be a clear division between the mental and physical - although I realized that I could physically continue at the pace I still struggled mentally to actually believe in it and apply it. In short, it didn't make it any easier.
I ran at the back of a 4-5 person group, in my distracted moments feeling self-conscious that I was struggling (whether severe or not) and assuming that it was a breeze for the others. Fixing my eyes on one focal point straight ahead, I repeated the mantra in my head,
this is my run forever pace. I chose the back of a woman's t-shirt as my focal point, which read "Sexual-Assault Free Week End". In the background there was a purple ribbon, so the type on the shirt was all the same color purple except for the word "week", since it laid over the ribbon graphic. I fixated on that ribbon...on that word...often mistaking it for that inner voice that kept trying to tell me I was too weak to go on. Not surprisingly, the thought of perhaps being defeated by weakness made me that much stronger, and I worked diligently to keep a consistent distance between my eyes and that word..."week".
I am not weak, I thought to myself - almost as if I was in some kind of hypnotic state, battling first hand my natural forces of flight or fight. I chose to fight. Over and over again, I had to constantly remind myself that I was making the choice to fight. As long as my muscles could bear it I was going to press on.
After the second 3200, I slowed to a cool down pace and began to ask the woman ahead of me what I had wondered for the last 30 minutes - what was this Sexual Assuault Free Weekend? She pointed her finger to gesture that she needed a moment - she was breathing heavily and trying to clear her throat. I realized at that moment my assumption that it was a breeze for the group ahead of my was dead wrong. Each of us were battling our natural inner desires of flight. Each of us were pushing towards achieving the goal that was laid out before us, and each of us succeeded. We congratulated each other, shared our thoughts on the training and learned that the mental doubt and drive were similar in each of us. I was proud that I met the goal, and am motivated to push myself a bit harder during the long run, even running with these same people so that we can help to push eachother out of our perceived mental limit to realistic physical ability. Up to this point, I had expected my marathon pacing would be about 11 minutes per mile - I have some glimmer of hope and possibility that I can increase that speed up to an average of under 10 minutes. Especially if I can avoid flaring up any of the injuries I'm dealing with (which, by the way, I completely averted during this training - no pain at all with my IT Bands and Zero pain in my foot or anything associated with the Peroneal Tendonitis. As to be expected, I'm battling post-training muscle fatigue but nothing a little icing, rolling, and stretching can't help).
Oh, and in case you're wondering, Sexual Assault Free-Weekend is an event that a rape prevention group out of UCSB puts on annually, calling for a truce for just one weekend. I'll admit the concept seemed kind of pointless to me at first, but when I realized that it was an attempt to break down this serious problem small steps at a time, I found it pretty intriguing. Katherine, the woman in the shirt that I was following, spoke passionately about the mission of this group and the many events throughout the year that they put on to help raise awareness to this problem and attempt to minimize the number of occurrences - on campus, in the community, and around the globe. Pretty cool stuff.
Sorry for the book...I just felt right on and my confidence is boosting.
