Time: 6:00pm
Meal: 3/4 Clif bar & a bottle of Gatorade at 5:45pm
Distance: Approx 2 1/2 miles
Still having problems with the hip today, I decided to call it a night after the first half of practice. I can gladly report that I felt slightly better than I did yesterday (the first half of practice required some brief sprinting which I surprisingly had very little trouble with), but I could still feel my hip injury being disrupted, which I knew would end up with more pain later on. The good news is that I got a few laps in to help curb the looming anxiety I feel today.
More on that - anyone who knows me understands that I have a tendency to overcommit. Okay, the word "tendency" maybe doesn't describe the problem..."addiction" is probably a better word :-). In all seriousness, there's something about having a dozen things to do that makes me somehow feel as though I'm doing something important...or at the very least keeps me so busy that I don't have time to spend on some other areas of my life that maybe I'm afraid to face or deal with. This is not deep personal stuff here...I think we all have those areas of our lives that we don't feel too excited about looking at and I'm just explaining what I've found to be my mechanism for avoiding that confrontation.
What does this have to do with my training, you ask? Well, I'm glad you did, because I've actually found the experience to be quite insightful. See, whereas several months ago I would have solved my overcommitment problem with an all-nighter or two - my body is just not letting me get away with any of that crap now. If I don't get sleep, I feel it in every inch of my body and it's punishment worse than a hangover. When I don't eat right (something I have to admit I am not doing well with right now), things start shutting down and it is effecting me on so many levels. I've actually been feeling as though my body is sort of a separate entity lately...holding me accountable for what I'm doing to it. I need that...I hope it stays. I find myself commending my body for not letting me get away with treating it poorly.
All that being said, today was a tough day. Regardless of my commitment not to overcommit (makes me dizzy just thinking about it), I've gone and done it again. I really, really, really wanted to compile a new set of photographs for the upcoming show this Thursday, and I didn't give myself to face the god-honest truth that I just don't have the time, energy or money to throw at it right now. Nonetheless, I committed. The commitment was made the minute I sent out the flyer last week, and now I'm stuck with the task of delivering it. Don't get me wrong, I'm totally excited...but it's not coming without a price. Today I was on a short fuse. I felt overwhelmed with overwhelm, without patience and without a solid foundation on which to gather my thoughts to communicate in the way I intended. The worst part is that today was an offsite meeting with my company where we were working on...you got it...communication :-). I felt bad that I couldn't be fully present and that I couldn't focus or gather my thoughts. All this because I couldn't draw the line where it needed to be drawn. More and more hard learned lessons.
I determined that there was just no way I could do it all...something's gotta give. I knew I would be working this weekend (another looming commitment), so I got the approval to take tomorrow off. It's a huge load of my shoulders, but I shouldn't assume that it's going to be a piece of cake. I still have about 2 days worth of work to shove into one day, so focus is going to be important!
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