I just realized that I have spent over 30 minutes feverishly configuring, reconfiguring, searching and researching how to resolve the fact that I can't check my e-mail. Send and Receive --> Google --> New Tab --> IMAP configuration --> Yahoo --> Send and Receive --> Reword my search --> Open webmail....you know how it ends (or sometimes doesn't end in a feat of mania).
I am in Beijing, China, sitting at the Starbucks attached to the Holiday Inn Express where I am staying with my mother for this whirlwind, 2 1/2 day trip. Jetlag woke me up just before 4 in the morning, and I tossed and turned then got up and paced for about an hour waiting to go downstairs for a fix of the precious wireless. My mind raced in bed with everything I "needed" to do before we left for our trip to the Great Wall. You know, the essentials like check my bank balance, find out how much it costs me to use my iPhone internationally, check the news headlines, finish my download of 24: Redemption so I have it to watch for the flight home (that was my primary goal, by the way) and, of course, check at least two of my 5-8 email addresses (I've lost count).
But I am in China, where the internet is regulated (somehow, I'm not exactly sure how). So, I suppose I wasn't surprised to find that IMAP wouldn't connect to my server or even that I couldn't connect via webmail. But surely, surely there's a workaround! I sure wish I would have set my emails to forward to Gmail or Yahoo Mail - even those email addresses that I have set to forward from other email addresses. What was I thinking? Do I pay for a Yahoo Mail account so I can use their client to POP? I am I ever going to survive another two whole days without it? How have I survived so far? Certainly the world is falling apart because my inbox has laid dormant for over 24 hours!
So, yeah...OK...I'll admit I have a slight problem. What sucks is the realization that it's far worse than just my addiction to technology; rather, it's some sort of sick, self-righteous prophecy that the world as it is affected by me will crumble in my absence and without my direction. It's driven by some sort of fear of not staying in touch...of not being included or available to make decisions so I can fulfill the prophecy in my own mind that they're all better off if they depend and succumb to my involvement and ideas. If I'm not there to respond, they might make decisions without consulting me. Not to mention the probability that they'll make decisions that don't include me.
My greatest fears are that I would be ordinary and lonely. I spend most of my energy striving toward achieving extraordinary status, and the rest of it making sure I am included and loved. I admit this very raw and real statement to the world (expecting all two of my readers to be taken back with shock) because it's time we all come clean with what our motivations are. Understanding our motivations in the context of what we truly desire and set out to achieve is the first step in controlling the addictions that keep us spiraling further and further from our ultimate potential.
I think the world will live just fine while ignoring my existence over the next few days and I think I'll keep that iPhone in airplane mode. At least my episode of 24 just finished downloading (finally), so I'll have Jack Bauer to keep me company on the long flight home.
On the bright side, and I know many people will think I'm evil for saying so, my Grande Caramel Machiatto tastes exactly the same in Denver, Santa Barbara, London, Ko Samui, and even Beijing. My hats off to Starbucks for such successful brand consistency...down to the taste off their product. I'm sitting in an obvious American Bubble, where my 32RMB coffee (about $4.75) costs about as much as the shop owners across the street make in a week. I am either terribly spoiled, blessed, or oblivious...or all of the above.
